The general consensus among southern fishermen--the best and most knowledgeable of the entire breed of fishermen in general--is that fly fishing is for yankees and people who don't have lakes in their state and are having to be happy with second best. There have even been numerous speculations among the great southern largemouth fishermen about the relative flexibility of the fly fisherman's wrist, which seems (to me) like something that would help them perform superior casting maneuvers. For some reason, this aforementioned superior wrist-agility seems to have been a humorous thing to regular fishermen. It even seems, I recall, to have been perceived as something derogatory, although I don't know why such a thing should be considered a shortcoming, especially provided that it would help perform fancy casting operations.

Anyway, it seems that perhaps, for once, the southern largemouth fishermen's wisdom may be mistaken. Yes, occasionally the planets align, water spins down the drain backwards, and the regular non-fly fisherman of the south makes a blunder. Alan has opened my eyes. Now I see that fly fishing is a serious sport, requiring hours of preparation, a rather large monetary investment, an impressive amount of equipment, and a graduate degree in entymology (provided one wants to tie realistic flies). Alan's wrist, oddly, doesn't seem abnormally limber, and he's from Kentucky so he's only a "borderline" yankee.

Now you tell me: what red-blooded American male wouldn't want to spend all his free cash on mountains of equipment, learn a skill that will absorb hours of time over the years, and have a perfect excuse to stand in the woods and drink beer? Pretty much every worthwhile hobby available to the American male, of which I am aware, requires those elements: 1. Shiny Equipment, 2. Absorb Time, 3. Stand in Woods, 4. Drink Beer. The more equipment it takes, the better.

Nobody will ever sell me on golf. Golf looks like it would be less fun than pulling out my bridgework by hand and then chewing tacks. It also looks about as interesting as... well, about as interesting as any game involving somebody wearing mismatched clothing and a beanie bludgeoning some tiny little ball around on the lawn until he finally coaxes the stupid thing into a tiny hole at the base of a plastic flag. The scary thing is that this is supposedly the game of choice among America's financial bigshots and the intelligensia. That fact alone tells me that America is in trouble.

When quizzed, golfers tell me they persist in playing their game of choice because it relaxes their mind. That's all very well, but I can relax my mind by smacking myself on the head with a mallot until I black out. What this game needs is some excitement. Lets play it in teams and only use one ball. We'll call it Rugby Golf. Now there's a game! Try to get the little ball into the hole on your side of the fairway while the other team tries to block. Everything's fair, so you get to high-stick and run around. It'd be great, and it would be more entertaining on TV. Watching Chi-Chi Rodriguez beat the ever-living crap out of Tyger Woods with a five iron while Jack Nicholas sinks a birdie on a par five just before catching a putter in the mouth and losing his dentures would be better than watching that hushed, docile little crowd huddled together timidly behind that little rope while some senior citizen calmly taps in a ball any day.

In any case, fly fishing sounds pretty cool. It's gotta be way better than golf no matter what.

End of Blog

| posted by Robert | 9:52 PM | |