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OK, I'm FINALLY bloggin'...here we go......
Hanging out @ VBCC for the last month or so has really been a breath of fresh air. I've seen so much that just clicks with what's been inside of me for most of my life following Jesus (about 17 yrs). But for the last several years, even though I've grown & seen a lot, parts of me have shut down. When I first gave my life to the Lord it was in the context of community. I went on a youth retreat (callled Youth Encounter the Savior) without knowing hardly anyone there. But I found such acceptance & love it made it easy for me to see Jesus & how much I needed him. I wanted to experience what I was seeing. It was something worth laying down my life for . These people came from all walks of life but had this common bond. Soon after that weekend I became involved in a little prayer group with some kids I met at the retreat. The group grew from 5 of us to around 50-60 within just a few months. Most of these were teenagers like me. It was real community. It was messy. Fun. Exciting. We just simply got together each Thurs night to worship & pray for each other. This experience shaped me for the rest of my life. In good ways, but it also has made it hard for me. Most other church experiences I've had fell short of this community experience.
But lately God has really been chasing after me in regard to community. I think, in a lot of ways, I've romanticized it. I've longed to be in a group of friends where I can let it all hang out...be myself warts & all...and still find that love & acceptance. As important as that is, it's kinda one sided. Community is hard work (at times). We have to give. We have to allow people to finally point to some of those warts & say, "you know, that's really ugly. It's holding you back from being who you can really be."
Last Wed night we talked about Romans 12 in context of community. I've spent the last week chewing on that chapter & have been challenged with how little it's focused on me & my needs. It's much more about deferring to one another. offer your bodies as living sacrifices (v1). Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.(v3) each member (of the body) belongs to all the others (v5) Be devoted to one another. Honor one another above yourselves (v10) etc etc
I've spent the last 9 months living in what was supposed to be a sort of communal living arrangement. But it's only worked out so far for 2 of us to share the house. Had some friends over Sun night & we started talking about relationships. My roommate (Joseph) & I started talking about different fights we've had. It was pretty funny. But we could see how for whatever reason (God?) we've both committed to this friendship & we've really slugged through a lot of issues. It's seems like it's kind of unusual for 2 guys to commit to a friendship at this level. Because we are so different, we've both given each other plenty of reasons to say "the hell with it" and quit the friendship. But God is forming a sort of David & Johnathan friendship.
I don't know why either of us have had the grace this time around. How many relationships have I let fall by the wayside, just because my needs weren't getting met?...or because it was just too much work?
Do I enter into a church/community looking for how it can meet my needs? Will I be fed? Will I like the worship? That's important stuff, I know. But is it the most important? Or is it like seeking 1st the kingdom of God & all these other things fall into place. Do we seek to pour ourselves into other people's lives & then find ourselves surprised at how much of our own needs are met in the meantime?
| posted by Matt | 10:50 PM | |